biggirltoslimgirl

April 16th, 2012

i posted on my facebook wall that i lost ten pounds since joining the gym. people started liking it. though i’m feeling quite conflicted.

while i enjoy the fact that i am losing weight and my health will therefore be less in the danger zone, i’m uneasy about publicizing it much further. part of me enjoys the support my friends can offer me, part of me wants nobody to know. maybe its because then nobody knows if i fail, but then maybe its because i don’t want people to focus on me and my body, because that’s what i’ve been trying to avoid.

inner turmoil!!

04/09/12

i joined the body by vi challenge, you can check it out at my ViSalus website,

jenbaker12.bodybyvi.com

4/01/12

i’ve lost 10 pounds since the beginning of the year. pretty exciting!

I joined a gym!

Reblog if you’re willing to answer publicly anything that comes to your ask box right now.

if you could call them resolutions. these are things i would like to do this year.

lose sixty pounds. that is five pounds per month, 1.25 pounds per week. starting this week.
stop drinking soda. doctor said this will jump start weight loss and in general be a lot healthier.
join a gym. if cost allows.
get a 4.0. self explanatory.
find a cool summer internship and get a fall internship.
learn to enjoy my job and life’s circumstances.
read more. especially of Tolkien’s and Lewis’s works.
grow a pair. tell him you like him, whoever he may be.
buy more clothes, jewelry, and makeup. i want a collection, aka to actually have these things and wear them and use them and feel pretty.
build my business. have extra income.
start paying off student loans. i don’t want to even think about this one.
build good credit. i don’t want a credit card or a loan, but i want to be able to get one if i did.
move out. even if it’s just for the summer or for the semester.
be a good youth leader. set a good example. read the bible, know the Lord. be someone my student’s can come to and get godly advice from.
commit to something. and actually stay committed and focused.

It is 2012. People everywhere are evaluating their lives and themselves. Being that I am a person, that means me too.

I’ve always avoided this. But now it’s time for me to confront it. I am really, really fat. Obese even. I weight a lot. And I know that. I just hate it when other people, especially those in my family bring it up. I use my weight as armour, deflecting and defending myself. Dieting? Well, let me eat a ton to show you that you can’t pressure me into doing it. Rude looks? Let me be fat and happy just to spite you.

Let me also add that I’m not doing this out of some convoluted mindset. I am doing this because I want to. Not because I “need” to, because I feel pressured to, etc. It is for me and of me.

So. Shall we begin?

It’s January 1st. I had two eggs and some oatmeal for breakfast. My brother and my dad just went to the grocery store. Which means there will be easy to cook meals, snack foods, and food that is generally unhealthy. I don’t even like it. Take pizza rolls for example. They are nasty. But they are easy to make and if you eat enough of them, you feel full.

The twisted thing about this type of shopping is that it is the most cost efficient for our large (both in body and in numeric size) family. I would buy my own food, but a.) that’s expensive. b.) i have no safe place to put it so it’ll be just for me. my family would attack it in a matter of hours. no joke. no food is safe in this house, not even if you mark it.